#and look out for yourself constantly
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ik the sainz camp isn't complaining about not following pre-arranged race strategies and plans...
#carlos PLS i am trying find my chill again#this is why you make it so hard my guy#if youre going to ignore team plans or charles' priority weekends#and look out for yourself constantly#fine#whatever#ive accepted that and its not even That evil of a racing driver#but dont turn around and let your team bitch when charles doesnt take it any more#like why is charles the only one who has to be a perfect teammate and sacrifice in this damn team??????#ugh#NOW i will rein myself in again#i promise i don't hate carlos but sometimes i dont like him very much smh#scuderia ferrari#derogatory#charles leclerc#back to the Being Cautious tagging system#anti carlos sainz#monza gp 2023#*delphi#ferrari civil war 2023
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soap's whole deal being sniper and demolitions gets me going bc on the surface they sound so different but when you get into it, you realise it's bc soap's smart
sniping is all math; calculating distances and wind interference and bullet drop. something i think people overlook is he was listed as a sniper first so it can be implied that he's better at it than demolitions. he does more sniping in both campaigns than demolitions work; in capture or kill, ghost specifically calls on him to take down the aq snipers
and demolitions is math with a hit of chemistry; knowing what mixes with what, knowing how much to use, recognising environmental factors and adjusting accordingly. it's not just about the boom; so much work goes into contained/ planned explosions. especially when having enough power for a breacher charge and not bringing down the whole building is the difference between mission success and failure
the chemical bombs he makes in alone can't just be any old cleaners, they have to have the correct reaction to each other; he just knew off the top of his head what would mix with what to create what reaction. he would also potentially have to recognise them by sight/smell bc they would’ve been written in spanish
soap would also have to know architecture; recognising structural integrity and weak points so he knows exactly where to plant a charge to bring it down and how it'll come down
he has an incredible soldier's mind people just forget that bc he's sociable which itself is a skill
we know he tends to buck against orders he doesn't agree with like when he pushes back against ghost in capture or kill and shepherd when he tells them to release hassan
he gets closer to people and sees if he can trust them and that's when he follows them without question. really think about how he talks to alejandro and rudy; he asks about their home and alejandro's family and rudy's relationship with him. those aren't questions you ask a stranger after a few hours of knowing them. that's not even touching on his relationship with ghost
he also deliberately brings people of higher ranks down to his level; talking informally with ghost and giving him a shoulder punch, addressing alejandro (a colonel!!) by his first name and rudy by his nickname despite literally just meeting them. he personalises all of them and it’s in direct opposition to the reason most characters do that; it’s not due to insubordination or lack of respect, the more he respects and trusts someone, the more casual he is with them
he digs into people; he wants to know what makes them tick and that determines if he can one, trust them and two, follow their orders. once he decides that, he's the ultimate soldier; he bleeds loyalty which makes him vicious when that loyalty is taken for granted
he isn't naive or bubbly or insecure; he's an incredibly smart and aware soldier. he's aggressive and bloodthirsty and loyal and intuitive and i love him so much
#i cant believe i never posted the soap meta that got me twitter famous™️💅#as with damn near every piece of characterisation in this franchise soaps is only apparent in subtext and connecting tiny little dots#it is very easy to just pick up his surface personality and think thats all he is#but soaps not a sunshine character#hes not super friendly or bright#hes just willing to talk to people and hes paired up with ghost who never wants to start a conversation#every time i see soap presented as this bubbly airhead thats super sweet and just blows stuff up i lose a year off my life#and i dont blame people for getting this vibe from him but im begging you to look a lil deeper#this isnt getting into his anger or the fact that he is a soldier which automatically makes him a wee bit fucked up#like he is hyperviolent and takes joy in it#we all know ghosts snuff film joke but soaps the one who responds positively to it#he returns the joke and only calls him out on it when he says he wont watch it more than once and even then its teasing not grossed out#and if we take the ‘he tried to join the military at 16’ factoid from 09 as current canon then he very easily could have a rough home life#no one tries to repeatedly join the military early without having some kind of problems#soap knows his worth and his abilities you dont get to be as good and specialised as he is without being completely sure of yourself#we know ghost has an ego but soap constantly butts up against it with his own affirmations#‘you wanna be better than me johnny’ ‘maybe i already am/i will be’ ‘a little helps not so bad eh lt’#being a sniper makes me hate the ‘cant sit still’ hc hes literally an sas sniper he wouldnt be complaining after a few hours of overwatch#i like the adhd hc and maybe he fidgets in his day to day life but the second hes at work hes At Work#tldr soap could be just as complex a character as ghost if cod would stop treating their campaigns as an afterthought and actually commit#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#talk meta to me#john soap mactavish#soap cod#cod mw2#soapghost#save post#call of duty modern warfare#cod meta
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Many things were used to describe the mad hermit of Amaurot: a drunkard, degenerate, cynical, and even monstrous by those who stirred trouble for the newly appointed Azem. But nothing could prepare Emet-Selch for what he would see for himself, when offered a chance to meet the Sun's Shadow.
#ffxiv#ancients#endwalker spoilers#emet selch#lahabrea#azem#azem oc#apollo#dionysus#hemitheos dionysus because I like the thought that anyone with soul sight will look at him#and they get to be jumpscared by what i like to personally imagine as a winged embodiment of void or the abyss#I would say the moon but within the context of FFXIV the moon isnt actually a normal astral body#though like azem/apollo and the role of the sun#I write dionysus to be the astrological moon#a character who represents the subconscious and the self- who often sees and brings out the worst in those around him#how I basically describe as being around him will break you to your barest so you can remake yourself into something better than before#unfortunately for the convocation he is also an antithesis to their ways and their biggest critic- out of love- funnily enough#also dont mind the idea that magic (especially creation magic) is so deeply ingrained that the idea of manual work is surprising to people#dionysus has to constantly use his aether to suppress his power he's either doing things by hand or sleeping#ancient zenos does not get to escape the sleepy curse#weird vintner in the mountains found lounging off in the middle of his vineyard#emet expecting dion to be the problem out of the duo until he realizes that /apollo/ is the overprotective cryptic and chaotic weirdo#with the power to stop an active volcano#and dion is the chill and collected hardworking man who despite everything is more human than most#tbh this was mostly inspired by the scenes with thordan and varis and how they react to WoL and Zenos in those moments#for dion/zenos it is their being while on the flip side for WoL/Azem it is their choices and the expression of such choices
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THE EX-MORNING SERIES CONCEPT
By now I think many people have heard that KristSingto’s upcoming series is an original script that was written for them. What we also have confirmed is that it was written about them.
[source]
KRIST: This series was written by P'Backaof and directed by P'Lit where they created this script from the start deliberately for the two of us and they got information for the characters etc. from KristSingto directly. In the series, the name for P'Sing is Tamtawan, and my name is Phatapi. And Tamtawan Tamtawan and Phatapi are KristSingto themselves.
INTERVIEWER: Does that mean you play yourself?
KRIST: [laughing] Yes, we act as ourselves, so it's not difficult at all.
Today, Aof elaborated on his part on Twitter:
[source: @backaof]
[translation: @_beinglistener]
And Jojo added:
[source: @jojotichakorn]
[translation: @_beinglistener]
So, two gay men are the leading creative minds behind KristSingto’s comeback series. Time to study up on your KristSingto history, kids. \:D/
Long live sanctioned RPF. 🎉
#krist perawat#singto prachaya#kristsingto#the ex morning#i’ve already seen the same tired ‘guess rent was due’ about krist and#i see on twitter when people link my thread about krist to people still insisting he’s homophobic#man’s rich#he works constantly#he even said it’s something he regrets now that his grandmother who raised him passed away#he worked so much he didn’t have as much time for his family—who he helps support#he is quite literally considered bl royalty#he has more queer people in his circle than straight#waa (gay) is his mentor#aof (gay) wrote this series and jojo (gay) thought up the concept so even professionally he's supported by queer people#you don’t have to like him#and you don’t have to admit to sending death threats to a stranger who doesn’t speak your language based on rumors you didn’t verify#just y’know#admit quietly to yourself alone in your head that you were wrong and you caused harm to a person who didn’t deserve it#plenty of actors use bl as a stepping stone to bigger jobs#he’s not one of them#he wanted to do bl for years but gmmtv told him he could only work with singto#so literally the only reason kit didn’t do bl until BMF was scheduling issues because singto wanted to study abroad#and singto couldn’t get a fixed date for it and then the pandemic messed with his plans even more#i’m glad to see more and more people are understanding who krist is recently#and even in the series they made pathapi’s controversy an impulsive act of anger#krist has said he used to struggle with being hotheaded#and one of his apologies for the igs was even something like ‘i acted without thinking of how it would look out of context’#he just wanted people to stop harassing him for his sexuality but the context isn’t in the igs#anyway my go-to when i’m too tired to talk about this is always this#if he had ever been homophobic thai people would be the ones leading the charge against him…but it’s interfans
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#monogatari series#monogatari#monogatari oms#nademonogatari#nadeko draw#yotsugi ononoki#ononoki yotsugi#nadekodraw:tv#monogatariseries:gif#nadekkogif#ok i MUST go nuts about this somewhere so (cracks knuckles) tumblr tags let's go#first gif yotsugi is doing an attitude pirouette en dedans#second gif yotsugi is doing a demi rond de jambe á terre from fifth position#technically she’s dancing on pointe w/ her boot acting as a pointe shoe which is clever!!! her boots must have crazy foot articulation LOL#for context these are ballet moves which I LOVE!!! i am being catered to shaft looked at ME & said NADEKO DRAW HAS BALLET MOVES 4 U!!!#SO the real neat thing about this imo is the way that it is animated. probably done this way by the limitations of the animators timewise#for context in ballet a key thing when you dance is that your body should be constantly moving outwards from yourself e.g.#your arms reach as far as they can and your legs reach as far as they can etc. your back too! up and out like you are being pulled!!!#the point of this is bc dance is alive & humans who dance are alive! even when you hold a position you are thinking about moving outward#doing this breathes SO MUCH life into the dance! it is literally so important visually it makes a HUGE impact#but yotsugi doesn't do this! she doesn't breathe life into the dance bc she's not extending her body outward she simply holds a position#yotsugi is obviously very skilled to do what she's doing here like a pirouette is hard af you need crazy strength to go on pointe too#so imo she performs the moves in the correct way! she is turned out! she knows what she is doing! this is not due to lack of training!#my personal theory is that she moves this way because she is a reanimated corpse!!! she literally CANNOT dance like somebody who is alive!!#corpse baby is dancing her best and imo she's very good!!! 🥺#as a ballet enthusiast i just think it's a really neat lil touch and works well (despite the fact that it is probably accidental LOL)#anyway hi i'm noisy please enjoy my ballet ramblings lmfao! i will regif this when the BD comes out bc i want it to be extra pretty!!!#regarding the gifs. both first and second are loops!!! please enjoy ballet dancer yotsugi 🩰
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A lot of people seem to genuinely not know what's the point of flipping the canvas in digital art is so I'm gonna explain but first please note I'm not telling you you have to flip your canvas to make art (or else traditional artists would be screwed) it's an art tip that you may or may not find helpful depends
Basically when you flip the canvas it gives you a new perspective on your drawing and helps you identify flaws that you might not have noticed, when you draw a picture for hours your eyes can get used to seeing it a certain way so you don't notice the nose might be a little too low or an arm that's a bit awkward, flip that canvas and suddenly your seeing your art with new eyes
This is also why it's kinda a running joke with artist that flipping the canvas is the worst since you think your pictures all good you flip it and now you see all the flaws and have to start correcting, but not all bad since the flaws would still be there even if you didn't flip the canvas, you can just see them now, and also flipping the canvas can help if your struggling to draw the other eye or a hand from a certain direction
#art tip#like basically its the same idea#as when people tell you to sleep on your art#or take a break for a few hour's#your eyes aren't always great at seeing flaws in our work#especially when we've been looking at it for hours#taking a break can help#come back suddenly see#but yeah like i said its helpful to people#but not all people#and it definitely not a cure all#look at my shit art im constantly flipping the canvas and it still turns out like that#tho it definitely would be worse if i personally didnt flip the canvas#but thats just me you do you#dont force yourself to do something if you dont want to
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Can the balanced dog trainers please stop fucking talking about positive reinforcement as if those dogs are not “obedience trained”? A majority of competition obedience dogs I know were trained with R+. Letting your dog wander on the end of a line because you want to do so does not = untrained. It is simply…a choice.
#dogblr#dog training#I try to hear both sides and follow a diversity of people but this really stands out to me#1.) balanced means using multiple quadrants. positive reinforcment is part of that#2.) balanced trainers come off really insecure in their own philosophy when they do stuff like this#you should not have to put down other dog owners and trainers to elevate yourself#if you have to do this constantly there is a problem#the reality is to me so many of these people scream ‘I’m important and smart look at me me me!’#the equating of r+ as = untrained in these circles is wildly prolific#‘I fixed this former r+ dog that was reccomend for BE!’#acting like all r+ people are the inexperienced pet folks who have taken a single puppy petsmart class#and not a wide variety of individuals with varying abilities#meanwhile how dare r+ and force free people put THEM in the same box as abusive aversives using people#it’s just…how do these people have time to be like this#like shouldn’t you be training dogs?#every time people talk poorly about positive reinforcment I want to take them to a zoo#the hyenas do cooperative care with positive reinforcement#the tigers wolves and bears and other large dangerous animal too#your domestic dog is not different or special or in any way more in need of aversive treatment
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casey also talks about sepang 2015 what do you think of that
oh in that podcast? uh... lemme listen again...
yeah idk it's not really anything new I'd say? he's said basically all the same stuff in more interesting and extensive ways elsewhere. I think casey inevitably has a very 'well feuding is bad and helps nobody' point of view, has expressed that before in the past, does it here again, and he's also drawn a parallel between himself and marc on several occasions. which... well, of course there's similarities in terms of public discourse or whatever, but the parallel really falls apart whenever casey argues the feuds cost valentino. like, I do think it's sometimes important to just. keep in mind. it's interesting that casey draws this comparison in his mind but that doesn't necessarily means he's right about this. I'm not sure how you'd argue that starting a feud with casey cost valentino anything competitively? you can argue it didn't help him I guess, and then we can have a debate about the ins and outs of the 2008 season. we can also have an argument that in a hypothetical world where casey isn't ill in 2009, valentino doesn't break his leg and casey isn't on a piece of junk in 2010, and valentino isn't on a piece of junk in 2011-12, then actually maybe valentino sparking open animosity with casey COULD have cost him. but we don't know that! didn't happen! I wish we could have found out, but we never got the chance! as it stands, the tally on this is pretty straightforward: casey won the title when things were reasonably civil between them in 2007, and valentino took control of the following season at the exact moment he worsened the relationship between the pair of them in 2008. obviously, it's all more complicated than that and casey would of course argue laguna didn't negatively affect his subsequent performances... but it certainly didn't help them. like, at the very worst valentino escalating tensions in 2008 is a complete net neutral. after 2009, them being bitchy to each other every other tuesday was completely competitively irrelevant beyond maybe affecting how they approached occasionally fighting for a podium position. hey, maybe casey used that feud to fire himself up through sheer spite throughout the later stages of his career, but that doesn't actually support his anti-feud stance - it's basically the exact same thing as what valentino does. they're both quite similar in that regard! always so hungry to prove a point, to show how someone else is wrong. kinda half the point with this feuding business is to get yourself going, get yourself motivated, yeah. he straight up openly admits to using yamaha's repeat rejection of him as a way of giving himself motivation, and at the end of the day that's really not all that different?
anyway, what else does casey say... oh yeah, that him and the other aliens were already kinda prepared for this and had learned vale's tricks. that valentino had only been able to get into the minds of the previous generation. welllllll *wiggles hand* sure, I mean, he did clearly have to change his approach... he couldn't just use the exact same playbook to get to them, either on-track or off-track. but that's why he did change up the playbook... again, whether you want to believe valentino won his final two titles 'in the head' rather than just through pure pace kinda depends on how you assess the evidence, but it is at the very least a debate. and, y'know, it's always worth remembering that valentino's most important mind games with casey didn't happen in a press conference... it was on the track. and the on-track stuff really is just embedded in how valentino approaches winning. speaking of aliens, this is what dani and jorge have said:
like, valentino's entire approach to his riding, even to the way he's setting his bike up, is deliberately about directly fucking with you... he's not actually always trying to be faster than you as much as he's trying to give himself the tools to make your life miserable, to pressure you into mistakes, etc etc... and again, especially with casey (if anything because he was so mentally sturdy), the off-track stuff was really just window dressing. (I know they bicker a lot after 2009 but it's just so fundamentally irrelevant to actual on-track competition.) so you can be aware of those tricks, but it also doesn't necessarily help you when someone's being nasty to you on-track in a way you just fully do not enjoy. which is what it was like for casey! for casey, a lot of this comes back to the truly unpleasant context of how he was perceived by the public, how he was treated as mentally weak or 'broken' or whatever partly because he had the misfortune of coming up against a bloke who had the reputation for breaking rivals. I think it's quite natural to end up with a bit of a hardliner 'actually I've never been mentally affected by a result in my life' stance - and of course casey is a lot tougher than a lot of people give him credit for. that being said. sometimes your rivals affect you, shit happens, it's part of the game. it's fundamentally a nice idea to think that valentino's tactics weren't just morally wrong but also ineffective, which is kind of the appeal of this narrative, right? you want to believe you're above that, you want to believe you were adequately prepared and wise to valentino's tactic. it's unsurprising and understandable that casey does tend to tell the story that way, but again it's *wiggles hand* also hard to describe it as completely factual
uh. what else. oh I'm thrilled casey does canonically know valentino and marc were friends, he has said he wasn't following motogp too much during that time period so you couldn't be sure of that. does this mean anything? does it tell you anything? well, no, but it's just a pleasing thought to me. I like that. oh also 'provoking particularly aggressive riders isn't a good idea' is kinda a funny take from casey? like, he of all people would hate the idea of being cowed by someone's reputation like that... casey's right that provoking fast riders can potentially be dangerous, but y'know I do think that's probably not news to anyone almost nine years later. um. that's all I've got I think
#i will say idm getting asks like this AT ALL but i do hope that's not like. the only bit of the podcast people are paying attention to#my thing with sepang 2015 takes is that like... when's the last time anyone has said anything genuinely interesting about that event#which yes big words from the feud blogger... but in fairness a lot of the sepang 2015 stuff is from old notes. that's my excuse idc#but that's kinda the thing... i feel like i haven't really had a new original thought about the whole drama for three plus years#u do kinda run out. basically the takes say more about the person saying them than about the actual event at this point#which. yeah. casey's comments on sepang '15 are primarily interesting in what they tell you about how he feels towards valentino#mind u he's actually quite nice about valentino in this one? casey call him let's finally organise that dinner#heretic tag#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#oh casey does go on another spiel against riders who win at all costs. ships that passed in the night of feuds i always say#also he gets the age he enters the premier class at wrong. i held myself back in the last post from pointing this out for tonal reasons#but if people want my podcast hot takes. i do simply have to mention it. just to set the record straight here#'they battle for podium places after 2009' genuinely. twice. like the alien era giveth but a lot of the time it really does just taketh#somewhat ironically casey wins the duel when he's on the shitty ducati and vale wins the duel when he's on the even shittier ducati#whatever that tells you idk#casey was always promising the laguna rematch would've gone differently and I love that conceptually but also we just don't know#he was like next time I WON'T play nice and it's like?? omg what does that look like. casey what were you cooking#for ethical reasons it's probably fine but for character arc reasons it's objectively ass that casey ended up being able to do all his -#- racing in a way he was entirely comfortable with for his second title in 2011. like it's just a complete waste of a year#you have this whole thing building for four years and then 2010 comes along and it's like. well that's enough narrative intrigue now! <3#also casey/jorge are fundamentally too interesting as individuals to have had such an obscenely boring on-track rivalry and yet here we are#it KILLS me because if you rearranged it and made valentino's dogshit ducati years like. 2009 or something#and do a straight title fight between jorge and casey THEN I genuinely think it would've been way more interesting#the problem with valentino is that he is fundamentally the WORST imaginable character you could invent to be casey's foil#literally everything about valentino could have been designed to be a casey-specific nightmare#but unfortunately that also makes him objectively the most interesting rival casey could have gotten#like morally it's on the edge. but narratively? literally could not have gotten a better villain in casey's story#constantly dancing on this faustian line of having to imitate valentino to beat him while trying not to lose yourself... juicy
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God I'm so fucking annoyed how come she gets to treat me however she likes and then gets to say she didn't mean it?????
#have u considered not constantly comparing me to ur abusive husband who hit u??????#since i was like 8 its really fucking weird#like who in their right mind tells their child theyre naturally destructive just like their father and then says ohhhhh but i didnt mean it#are u fucking insane#doesnt help that i look like him too everyone tells me that#and now she acts like me raising my voice once means she needs to walk on eggshells around me wtf#what about how u treated me from ages 13-16#freak#i cant believe this shes treating me like im some scary stranger as if shes not the one with full financial control and that im this horribl#person go kill yourself omgjdjsjsjwjwwhwhhw#fuck u#last year was the worst year of my life and that was wholy bc of u you showed me what place i really have in this family and that it was not#hing. how is sveryrone so ready to throw me away??#yet everyone else gets to say shes sooo proetctive and loving fuck off you wouldnt even tell them youre treating me badly diedie diediediedi#i want to cut so bad bro#but i promised myself i wont so#i mean i dont even have any way of gettibg blades so whatver#just remembered her reaction to me cutting#nothing. yeah absolutely no reaction. i thought the worat thing that could happen was her gettjbg mad at me again but no#i realised there was somwthing worse. she just straight up doesnt care#useless mother#im fine w u treating me like shit ive accepeted it that i have no place in anyone's life unlesss i hive into this but at least#at least stop trying to confront me like this#just let me rot in peace#i really dont want to do this anymore#any time now she'll ask me if i was pretending to cry so i wpuldnt have to go out w her now#as if that isnt insulting#and then she'll say i wasnt trying to be rude!!! as if she hasnt always treated me like none of my feelings r real. i only ever overeact. ok
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me when i write a character who is prone to dooming themself and then they run off and doom themself. core traits are stubbornness and a willingness to disregard their own humanity gET BACK HERE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU
#rambling#surprisingly this is not about jakob.. im just really consistent about my favorite character archetypes 😭😭#WARNING THE NOTES ON THIS ARE REALLY LONG I STARTED RAMBLING#“ouhh i have a headache i'll just lie down and rotate my blorbos in no general direction for a while until it goes away” and then boom.#serious plot considerations. 2 questions answered 24million new questions raised. this is specifically Not what i asked for.#so now im sitting here STILL dizzy running mental calculations on how i can get this bitch out of peril without reworking everything#but they literally keep dying in every timeline 😭😭 every single plausible road leads to them running off and screwing themself over#“character who doesn't realize they want to live until it's way too late to look back” VS#“character who is forced to live and handle the things they never though they'd survive long enough to deal with” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.#fucking hell i have never had this much trouble writing a character as i have with them#they genuinely do just run off and do shit without my permission and then i have to pace for an hour or two wondering#“ok they wOULD do that. but should they. do i feel like i can confidently write that.”#im like constantly in this tug of war trying to get them to CHILL#but also they are absolutely my favorite character from the entire project. but like. FUCK GET BACK HERE#is death the most satisfying end to this arc? is someone who was Set on dying then NOT dying the most satisfying end to the arc?#how many bridges can you burn until you irreparably set yourself aflame too?#would ghost or revival plotline work?? would it make sense with the worldbuilding??#do i just Like Them enough to want them to not die?? where do i draw the line between personal bias and a good arc?#is death not feeling as impactful as survival solely because i've been writing for so long that it's lost the initial impact?#and other such plot considerations...#im gonna have such an easy time writing another character though 😭😭 because THAT character's dynamic in the second act#is to stare at character 1 and be like “why are you like this. i mean i know Why but can you chill. please.” and like damn bro me too#actually wait no i think kaey.a is the hardest character i've ever written i take it back#had to worry about his 20million facades AND his Actual feelings AND canon compliance. shit is hard#i still havent finished the k/aeya fic i started back when the chasm first released which is uhh. two years ago. oops.#i think i struggle writing emotionally repressed liars i think thats what this is 😭😭 anyways.#(voice of guy who has been obsessed with nonlinear narratives and tragedies for several years):#“is it too much to kill this character in a nonlinear exploration game with tragic elements”#like bitch what are you talking about 😭😭 YOU'RE the target audience here figure it out#sorry the notes on this are just my writing journal now apparently
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decided that in my own personal canon, Santiago’s maker looked similar to Louis, simply because Ben Daniels stated that Santiago was very likely in love with his maker. and wouldn’t it be some kind of torture to fall in love with the man who murdered your first vampiric love? to then watch him fall in love with another, who bears an eerie resemblance to that first love? to be witness to something tender and affectionate blooming, every moment a memory of how none of those you’ve adored have ever wanted you back? it would be agony. it would be torture. god, you would just hate them to pieces, loathing even as you loved them. and you wouldn’t know peace - not until the whole pack of them learnt the horror of love, just as you have.
#I like to think that Santiago was courted by his maker. that it was a genuine interest#perhaps turned to be an immortal companion before his maker saw his mind and past and realised how dull he was#imagine being sold the beautiful dream of having an immortal companion who loves you and chose you out of everyone#to be the only they spend eternity with. forever in the arms of love#just for him to see you. truly see you as nobody ever has. and then instantly recoil#abandon you in disgust. he doesn’t care what you do. he doesn’t care where you go. he doesn’t care what you call yourself. francis.#santiago is a strange inverse of claudia#she is a grown woman struggling against her body - constantly being viewed as her past rather than who she truly is#but she is capable and knowing and refuses to pretend. she is Claudia the adult woman. she is Claudia the cage breaker. Claudia the killer.#while I think Santiago is still deep down Francis. lonely and needy and wanting someone to pick him. but nobody ever will#and so he covers himself up in lies and leather and performs on stage. and nobody thinks anyone is standing there but Santiago#I just LOVE torture. imagine how upsetting all of it would be#he’s still a foul cunt. but god the agony. Armand killing the man he loves. Armand falling in love with someone who looks so similar.#and Santiago can have none of them. will only be touched in anger. so make them angry. get them to touch him.#furious desire to hurt is a kind of desire. he’ll take what he can get. he’s going to get it.#he decides to become the new master of the coven when every part of him is clearly begging#please please please want me take me need me make me yours please don’t turn away don’t pick someone else#he’s so careless with the women because life’s not fair ladies! the powerful want you then they drop you after they’ve used you#if I’m a toy you’re all toys. if I’m used I’ll use up the lot of you.#exactly my favourite kind of guy. wants to be loved eternally would flinch if he received it because what even is this?#santiago iwtv#santiago#ldpdl#louis de pointe du lac#armand#armand iwtv#armand interview with the vampire#iwtv#interview with the vampire
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Putting the word dissociate on a high shelf where no one can reach it forever and ever sorry
#actually dissociative#“lol i love to dissociate by making up stories in my head when im bored in class#DAYDREAMING THAT IS CALLED DAYDREAMING#you don't choose to dissociate because you're bored#and you don't make up stories in your head when you dissociate#you just. cease to exist.#time goes on without you#you lose hours#days even#and if you do “make up stories” they aren't distinguishable from reality#you don't remember what's real anymore#and then you wake up#you're seeing through your own eyes but you don't control where they look#your body moves without you#you hear yourself talking but the words aren't yours#your body needed someone to fill the void you left behind and your mind gave it someone#and when you come back that person resents you#constantly whispering in your ear “when is it my turn?”#and you don't want to give up control again#you don't want the world to go on without you#but it does#and it will keep going on without you until you can take back control#maybe you pass the time by pretending you are in control somewhere else#you forget it's not real#and when you come back you're confused#you need help to figure out what's real#it's not fun#it's not something you choose to do
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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On that “how many books have you read” poll, I see a lot of responders being embarrassed they’ve only read a single digit amount of books. As if their book count makes them inferior to those who’s is higher.
Just remember, if you read any books you’re a star! Seriously! Be proud of what you have accomplished and don’t compare it to what others have done. And if you’re a reader going through a slump who just can’t bring themselves to pick up a book at the moment, for whatever reason, I see you and you count too.
No, books, one book or a thousand books- you can still say reading is a hobby and make it a huge part of your personality (if that’s your thing), no matter the count and the number in your read pile does not equate to worth or intelligence.
#i feel like this is fed by that booktoc and bookgram bs#like you can’t call yourself a reader if you aren’t constantly reading#I’m lucky if I get out of the single digits in a year#unless go dog go read for the thousandth time counts#you do you lovelies and don’t feel less because your book count doesn’t look like others#liz nonsense#bookblr#polls#books and reading
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if that anon was from taylor and her friends holy fucking shit you people are even more horrible than i thought
#i kept your name out of my fucking mouth.#i didnt look for you. i didnt say a word to you#and you just fucking constantly harass me for months and now instead of being a big girl and realizing that i just severely sexually trauma#tized and am not safe in ny own fucking home#he could come back and finish the job whenever he wants#and you're telling me to cope better#go fuck yourself. i hate you. is that what you want to hear?#leave me the fuck alone pleas enust leave me alone
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[disclaimer I know full well I, a white man, will NEVER experience true discrimination on the basis of my hair, and I will not attempt to compare my struggles to those with textured hair.]
ive been like doing a lot of reflecting lately and i realized that like, something about having thick, slightly curly, frizzy* hair got me bullied so hard by my family and peers growing up.
People constantly calling it a forest, a bird's nest, one girl saying my hair scared her because she thought I was a witch, my mom constantly saying it needs brushed regaurdless of if I actually brushed it or not (especially after school like mf ive been around people all day and moving around AND in gym/marching band like am i meant to be a disney princess?) even at WORK some dude thought it was cool to make fun of my hair. and when i get upset it's all "it's just a joke!!! god why are you soooo sensitive!!" maybe you all should eat glass fucking shards for every meal of the day and dessert
*frizzy my whole life btw not just after i started dying it before somebody tries to get smart
#im sure that systemic racism definitely influenced this bullying#but god i am so fucking tired#of people commenting on MY hair#as if i don't know what it looks like!#yeah i don't always brush it but it's naturally frizzy and curly anyway!#like people with straight hair get away with the messiest of buns#and it's “an aesthetic”#but MY hair is naturally frizzy?#OH GOD THE HORROR#it's honestly also jealousy#cause people constantly also say they wish they had the thickness#but like if you go out of your way to pick on someone out of jealousy?#go fuck yourself#vent post#wildly unimportant nonsense
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